I’m currently wearing wool socks, sweat pants, a long-sleeved shirt and am curled up in a blanket drinking hot coffee. This would be a precious if it was November, but it’s freaking JUNE. I’m about one more downpour away from turning on the fireplace and hoping it burns down this entire city that’s seasonally confused.
Anyway, busy day in these parts. Hold on to your undies folks, but I actually went for a run before Ryan went to work. That shit is unheard of! Usually I amp myself up the night before by laying out my running clothes, planning my route and finding (th)inspiring pictures of Jessica Alba’s body to motivate me. But then my alarm actually goes off in the morning and who the hell actually wants to run while everyone else in her household is still sleeping? Not me. So then I usually turn off my alarm, sleep in, wake up angry and resent my lazy alter ego all day.
Hate you Jessica Alba
But not today! I woke up ready to go. The weather looked perfectly cool for an enjoyable run. I snuck down the stairs (can’t be waking up those babies), opened up the garage door and it IMMEDIATELY started pouring. How effing rude is that? Here I am, doing God’s work and you have to literally rain all over my ambition? Curses to you weather! Curses!
But because this bikini body doesn’t make itself (and I was already wearing shoes), I went downstairs to the awful treadmill and did a horrendous 3.25 miles. That’s my limit on the treadmill because I’d rather take a fork and pierce it through my achilles tendon than run on that damn thing. In fact, I’d rather watch a congressional hearing on C-SPAN than run on the treadmill.
After that, the kids were up and Ryan was all like “I have to go to work and make money!” (excuses) so the remaining people in the house got dressed and ready to go to open gym.
Awhile back, I signed Caroline up for open gym at the place where she takes gymnastic classes. Essentially, open gym is comprised of giant mats, a slide and a plastic seesaw. But it was like $18 and it usually makes Caroline tired and I would spend ANYTHING to ensure my daughter takes a nap. There’s only five kids signed up and Caroline has befriended the other seemingly “mean girl” of the group to become mini Stalin’s that boss the other kids around and inform them what toys they are permitted to play with. I’m proud of Caroline’s ability to take charge, but when she tells a one year old that he literally can’t look at her, I think that may be overboard. She lives her life as a dictator. It’s both cute and incredibly frightening.
Guys, great news: I’m wearing shorts and a tank top. However, the sun just fled faster than those two prison escapees and it looks like rain so my wardrobe may be changing shortly. Aren’t you glad you know this?
Unlike yesterday, I did not get up to run because I was having a dream about WWII soldiers and that was apparently more important than my personal fitness because I turned off all of my alarms and woke up to Oliver on the monitor.
I managed to do half of a workout while Caroline and Oliver had their breakfast, but I ran out of time because we had to make it to story time at the library. As any mom knows, these story times are lifesavers. For starters, they’re free. Secondly, they involve reading and singing which are two things that my daughter loves, but are two things she doesn’t really want me to do. She doesn’t mind the bedtime stories I read to her, but anytime I try to sing to her she holds up her hand like she’s on Ricki Lake and says “Mommy. No, no, no.” Clearly her musical appreciation is underdeveloped because I have raw, unparalleled talent. Since I only did half of an actual workout, I’m fairly certain my right leg is far superior than my left today. It’s going around talking shit to my left leg because my left leg didn’t do any weighted squats and looks all flabby. Maybe next week, I’ll work on my left side and even it out a bit, but for right now I’d much rather eat my new s’mores Oreo’s.
I did it AGAIN! I woke up and ran 4 miles before Ryan went to work. President Obama should be standing in my living room awarding me some type of national medal for my bravery in getting up to exercise. Or should it be Michelle Obama? Isn’t she against obese kids? I don’t know. I’ll have to check on that. BUT the run was solid and uneventful and I have to remind myself that I love getting it out of the way.
After that, Caroline and I (and Oliver too) ventured into nature. Now if you know anything about my daughter and I, we like diamonds and dresses not mud and bugs. However, I was in the mood for something different and wanted to expose my daughter the great outdoors. When I told her that we were going to go on a nature walk, she picked out a dress and high heels. We negotiated that the dress could stay, but shoes that she wore to be a flower girl in someone’s wedding were probably not appropriate to hike through the woods. The girl understands fashion, not practicality.
What was incredibly foolish was me judging her shoe choice when my dumbass wore WHITE boat shoes…to walk a trail…the day after a torrential rainstorm. Hopefully “mud brown” is the new white this season because those Sperry’s will never be the same. RIP.
We did a half-mile loop around a local park and I gave Caroline a camera to document what she saw. Not surprisingly, there’s a lot of pictures of snails. Surprisingly, she did not complain once. I was getting a little antsy in the wilderness and thought that we were going to be filming the next “Blair Witch Project” but Caroline kept searching for birds and squirrels and despite her being covered in mud when we were done, she classified it as “fun.” We are basically survivalists now. We’ll be able to escape from the law and/or endure the apocalypse.
I went somewhere that I haven’t been to in a very long time.
No, not the gynecologist.
I went into work! Not to actually perform work, but to visit. I was there the first day of school so I figured I’d come full circle in my laziness and come back on the last day. It was great to see everyone. I love my job, my co-workers, the kids…but I can already feel my heart breaking from the reality that I’ll be returning in the fall. It’s not going to be easy for any of us.
Can we talk about something else before I cry? Great.
Ryan and I started watching the third season of “Orange is the New Black” since it was released this weekend. Lesbians, crime, prison…it’s what life is made of. Sometimes I think I could last in prison and then I think about how there isn’t any Jif peanut butter or open packages of Chips Ahoy I can eat around-the-clock and I realize I’d die within an hour of being booked.
I’ll let this photo speak for itself.
Let’s just say that our dear friends had wine at their baby’s first birthday party. Mama got a little buzzed. So buzzed that I may have agreed to camping and not in a Hyatt Hotel, but like outside.
Camping is not a good idea