I’ve been so tired that it’s taken me a week to write this freaking post. Last weekend, our darling offspring was the flower girl in my good friend Ashley’s wedding, which was situated on the beautiful Cayuga Lake. The wedding itself was truly stunning. You can’t ask for a better backdrop in pictures, but you could ask for a better dinner guest than a toddler with a bladder infection and explosive diarrhea, right?
I think Ryan and I burned a month’s worth of calories chasing Caroline around and trying to save her life. Aside from the obvious threat of drowning in the lake, there were certainly a lot of other potential dangers. Waiters with hot dinners! Stairs! Drunk dancers! Cake that is on display! Furthermore, on top of her little illness (I took her to the doctor’s the day before to learn she had an infection and was given medicine that made her bowels burst), she took a four-minute nap that day. Four. A nap that’s shorter than a damn Lady Gaga song does not make a happy child (or parents).
However, I have to say that she was a champ. She put on a show, did her flower girl “thing” and hung out in an oversized dress in 85-degree weather. She’s a rock star. It just proves my point that she’s destined for stardom.
Between the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, the commute (about 1.5 hours away) and being pregnant—I was done by Sunday night. I woke up Monday morning like I had partied with frat boys. My make-up was still smudged on my face, my legs were sore and my head was pounding. It was as if I had been drunk, but alas…I was not. To me, that’s the real crime…a wedding where one cannot partake in open bar. They should send people to Guantanamo Bay for that.
The rest of the week was spent recovering. My “to do” list for the summer is about 300 pages long and I can tell you that so far I found lip gloss that I like, organized my make-up drawer and read two chapters of a Nicholas Sparks book (don’t judge. I’m an AP European History teacher; the stuff I read from September to June would make your mind cry). Overall, I’d have to give my productivity a big fat thumbs down. However, I have been keeping this toddler busy and that’s no easy task. You try coming up with a different activity every single day for a small person with an attention span of zero. It’s not easy.
For example, today we went to the zoo. There are animals from ALL OVER THE WORLD there and you know what my daughter cared about?
I could take her to Disney World and she’d be more consumed by the sharp edges of her admission ticket than the “Holy shit, all of my favorite movie characters have come to life” element of the experience. You can’t win them all, but it tuckered her out enough to take a nap and at this point in my life, that’s what my day is ALL ABOUT.
Okay, I must go and tend to my bladder’s needs. In an effort to save time and toilet paper, I just sit on the toilet the entire duration of C-Rock’s nap. No point in walking away from something that I’ll have to do again in .5 seconds anyway, right?
Have a good weekend!