A Week Long Recovery

I’ve been so tired that it’s taken me a week to write this freaking post. Last weekend, our darling offspring was the flower girl in my good friend Ashley’s wedding, which was situated on the beautiful Cayuga Lake.  The wedding itself was truly stunning. You can’t ask for a better backdrop in pictures, but you could ask for a better dinner guest than a toddler with a bladder infection and explosive diarrhea, right?

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I think Ryan and I burned a month’s worth of calories chasing Caroline around and trying to save her life. Aside from the obvious threat of drowning in the lake, there were certainly a lot of other potential dangers. Waiters with hot dinners! Stairs! Drunk dancers! Cake that is on display! Furthermore, on top of her little illness (I took her to the doctor’s the day before to learn she had an infection and was given medicine that made her bowels burst), she took a four-minute nap that day. Four. A nap that’s shorter than a damn Lady Gaga song does not make a happy child (or parents).

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However, I have to say that she was a champ. She put on a show, did her flower girl “thing” and hung out in an oversized dress in 85-degree weather. She’s a rock star. It just proves my point that she’s destined for stardom.

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Between the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, the commute (about 1.5 hours away) and being pregnant—I was done by Sunday night. I woke up Monday morning like I had partied with frat boys. My make-up was still smudged on my face, my legs were sore and my head was pounding. It was as if I had been drunk, but alas…I was not. To me, that’s the real crime…a wedding where one cannot partake in open bar. They should send people to Guantanamo Bay for that.


The rest of the week was spent recovering. My “to do” list for the summer is about 300 pages long and I can tell you that so far I found lip gloss that I like, organized my make-up drawer and read two chapters of a Nicholas Sparks book (don’t judge. I’m an AP European History teacher; the stuff I read from September to June would make your mind cry). Overall, I’d have to give my productivity a big fat thumbs down. However, I have been keeping this toddler busy and that’s no easy task. You try coming up with a different activity every single day for a small person with an attention span of zero. It’s not easy.

For example, today we went to the zoo. There are animals from ALL OVER THE WORLD there and you know what my daughter cared about?








I could take her to Disney World and she’d be more consumed by the sharp edges of her admission ticket than the “Holy shit, all of my favorite movie characters have come to life” element of the experience. You can’t win them all, but it tuckered her out enough to take a nap and at this point in my life, that’s what my day is ALL ABOUT.

Okay, I must go and tend to my bladder’s needs. In an effort to save time and toilet paper, I just sit on the toilet the entire duration of C-Rock’s nap. No point in walking away from something that I’ll have to do again in .5 seconds anyway, right?

Have a good weekend!

Let’s Reunite, Shall We?

Let’s not pretend that this isn’t awkward.

The last time I wrote in this, I was still splitting cells of my barely-existent fetus. Now I’m like 400 months pregnant and like 200 pounds heavier. Not really, but a walk to the mailbox literally leaves me breathless and I have to calculate and pre-plan my trips up the stairs every day. I cannot be expected to go up and down stairs like a regular human being. The fact that I can still bend down to (kind of) shave my legs is an impressive enough task at this point.

So that’s really all I’ve got going on these days. Just creating life and being exhausted in the process. With that being said, I have not been very active this pregnancy unlike my last go-around. When people say chasing a toddler is a workout, they aren’t kidding. She has these tiny, fast little cheetah legs and I’m like an accessorized elephant attempting to catch her. Just like an elephant, I’d much rather sit in a mud bath than perform grueling physical activity.

However, it IS summer which means no work for me! I’ve been off for two weeks or so and it’s a little bizarre not to have an alarm clock or an agenda for the day. I kind of just roam around to different stores, parks and whatever other “exerting” activity Caroline and I can find.

Oh speaking of that tiny, already-born child! Caroline is doing well. She speaks more and knows more words than any other kid I’ve ever seen at this age. Ryan and I have become those parents that judgingly watch other children only to be like “that kid sucks” when we compare them to Caroline. She’s just that awesome. I could annoyingly talk about her for hours, but then I really wouldn’t have any readers left.

Now just because I’m bragging about her doesn’t mean that she is perfect, remember that she’s quickly approaching her 2nd birthday which means she is in her prime “I WILL SCREAM OVER ANYTHING” stage. It’s a lot of fun, really. Here is an example of some of our conversations:

Me: “How are you doing today Caroline?”

Most of the time, she’s perfectly sane, but if you tell her she should sit down or that she can’t have a cookie—you better WATCH. THE. EFF. OUT because she will kill you or at least embarrass you in a crowded, public place and at this point, my death looks much better.

Alright, well my iced coffee is almost done (yes, I still drink coffee and am pregnant. Don’t call Child Protective Services just yet) and my Tiny Princess Terror is about to wake up from nap.

If you’re reading this and somewhat enjoyed it, send me a text or an email or a comment and go: “Hey, lazy ass…write in that thing more often” otherwise I’ll forget my log-in password again. Later tramps!

** I know bloggers put pictures in these posts, but that would mean I’d have to go upstairs, get my cord thingy, plug in my phone and download pictures. I ALREADY WENT UPSTAIRS ONCE TODAY so sorry folks. Better luck next time.

Motivation, Where are You?

I have to be honest here, folks. I’m only writing because Maggie (the cat) is sleeping next to me and I’d hate to disturb her. What I really want to be doing is preparing my bowl of peanut butter cup ice cream, but I’m not about to risk a limb waking up a damn tiger just for some Eddy’s Slow Churned.


Speaking of eating like a death row inmate at their last meal, can someone loan me their motivation to do a squat or jog to the mailbox? I said in my last post that I was anxious to go for a run outdoors with the nice weather, but you know what happened the day after that post? The temperature dropped 30 degrees and it snowed so um, back to that whole running outside thing…

How’s a sister supposed to get fired up to run outside when I can’t even leash up the dog on the porch without uttering 15 different curse words aimed at insulting Rochester weather? I actually like running in the colder temperatures, but that’s only when I’ve established a routine. Ain’t NOBODY going to looks outside with 30 mph winds and freezing rain and say, “yes! Today I will start running again!”

Furthermore, where does this magical time to exercise come from? Heaven? Hell? Trolls in the forest? Little fairies that freeze time? I don’t get how I’m supposed to brush my teeth two times a day, go to work, raise a child, eat Sour Patch Kids AND workout. I guess I need to put things in perspective though…


This is my new life’s motto. If the woman that created the choreography to “Single Ladies” can run an empire with 24 hours in her day then so can I, right? I mean, Beyonce and I are basically one of the same. I have a little less money and ass, but a lot of other things match up just perfectly…

I have no idea where I’m really going with this post other than to say that I really need to kick my butt into gear and do something. Anything, really. Anything that involves putting the remote and Cool Ranch Doritos down…

A Sprung Spring?

I can’t even begin to fathom what I’m doing right now. I am outside, on the deck, wearing flip flops and typing this inevitably brilliant post. Furthermore, I’m kind of sweating in my leggings and t-shirt. Apparently, the raging bitch that is Mother Nature got the memo that it’s spring and bestowed a sunny day upon us where snow isn’t covering the ground. Her and I will never get along, but for right now…she cool, she cool.


Another reason for my unusually “chipper” disposition today is that I am on spring break! I have the whole week off which means I can eat Sour Patch Kids in bed at 10pm while watching “Full House” instead of eating Sour Patch kids in bed while watching “Full House” at 8pm. See how scandalous I am? I’m only two days into break, but so far it’s been a blissful two days for the following reasons:

1.)  I painted Caroline’s toes. As a nail polish fanatic, this is a huge milestone in both of our lives. To my surprise, she sat there patiently as I painted two coats of pink “Piggy Paint” on them. I’m trying to instill in her early on that appearances really do matter. No doctor or corporate attorney is going to want to marry a woman with busted feet. She needs to start preparing for her future now.


2.)  With a house and neighborhood that we actually like and respect, it has been fun plotting all of our outdoor projects this summer. I even took a trip to Lowe’s with Ryan and didn’t curse with my arms crossed the entire time. I actually discussed things like flower beds, bird feeders and wrote a company to get started on a fence for our backyard. Our diabetic dog needs a space bigger than our front lawn to empty his sugary pee-filled bladder and since our backyard graciously opens up to the Genesee River, it’s kind of a good thing with a toddler to you know, block that off. I figure if we put a fence in, I can just let Caroline and Winston loose back there while I take a nap or make a strawberry daiquiri or something. In my mind, I see no reason why a fence can’t act as a suitable babysitter.


Ryan caught one of the escapees!

3.)  I went to a baby shower yesterday and was reminded that I’m having a baby too. Like I said in my last post, I legitimately forget about it sometimes. As I was watching my friend open her gifts, it made me pretty happy (and a bit panicked) that I’m about to do this all over again. The great thing about pregnancy is that there’s no turning back, no “off” switch. But I can’t wait to find out what I’m having, snuggle it, be off from work, etc. The good always outweighs the scary/bad/negative.

4.)  I bought Caroline these shoes:


Wait, no THESE ones:



5.) Just the simple prospect of going out for a run where my uterus and kidneys won’t freeze is really appealing to me. We’re having pasta for dinner so I’m not sure how successful a post-dinner run would be, but if I’m slow and it sucks…I’ll just blame it on the fetus. Bam.

Alright, I need to go enjoy the rest of this day before the little rascal wakes up and demands that we take her somewhere, feed her, change her, bathe her. Kids…they’re so demanding.

Baby #2: Week 16

So here we are again. Because some people enjoy reading about the activities within another woman’s uterus, I will do my best to document this pregnancy as best as I can. I was diligent with Caroline and I don’t want this baby to be like “hey mom, way not to care about me” because you know, that leads to poor self-esteem and lots of therapy bills. So without further ado…


March 31, 2014

 WEEK 16

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, s/he’s about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His/her legs are much more developed, his/her head is more erect than it has been, and his/her eyes have moved closer to the front of his/her head. His/her ears are close to their final position, too.



In one word: “awkward.” Pregnancy, the second time around, makes everything happen at a much faster pace. I feel like no sooner than peeing on a stick did I need maternity pants. My stomach immediately protruded, my uterus was all like “I remember how to do this” and my stomach broke out in itchy hives. Everything that took me months to see/experience with Caroline is happening much, much quicker this time. So to answer this prompt, I just feel strange. I’m pregnant and showing, but my mind hasn’t caught up with what my stomach is telling me. Does that even make sense? (Don’t answer that.)


I’m up about six pounds so far. Some of my pants still button (albeit very uncomfortably), but most of my shirts either pop open because of my ginormous prego boobs or are just so tight that they’ll cut off the baby’s air supply (that’s how that works, right?)


Nothing! I do have an aversion though: hot coffee. As a Dunkin Donuts ADDICT, hot coffee went from “give me an IV of it” to “I’d rather puke and hit my head against the wall than drink it.” However, don’t WORRY everyone! Mama loves her iced coffee and the kind DD workers give me half caffeine/decaf when I request it. They don’t even spit in it when I order it! (that I know of)


My socks. Am I right?


I feel as if this category will be empty for a while. This is our second baby! The big ticket items are thankfully taken care of already.


Nothing major. I feel so much busier this time around between working full-time and raising a 19 month old. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m pregnant which I think has cut down on all of the irrational concerns. The less time you have to think about things, the better.


I have one goal for myself and that’s to make working out a priority again (more on this in a another post, I’m sure), but with the weather finally changing, I really want to get outside and be active again. Even if it’s a light jog around the neighborhood or something, I need that for my mental health.


Not a moment yet, but I’m anxiously awaiting a kick. I think I’ve felt some flutters here and there, but I’m impatiently poking and prodding my belly trying to get a response back! The doctor said you feel the kicks a lot sooner with subsequent babies and I know I’m close to feeling them, but nothing certain just yet. Let’s go!

Back by (*somewhat*) Popular Demand…

Wow, are there even still readers out there? Is this post echoing as I’m writing it? Hello? Anyone out there?

Truth be told, I know there are still readers of my blog out there because my mom is still alive so THERE.

I don’t even know where to begin, really. I last updated in December? How embarrassing. We amend our Constitution more frequently than I update this damn thing. I desperately wish I had a valid excuse as to why I’ve been MIA all this time, but I don’t. As I’ve said before, I’m horrendous at balancing the different aspects of my life. “Oh I have to grade papers tonight? Well, then I can’t feed my toddler.” “’The Bachelor’ finale is on? Sorry thighs, looks like it’s another day of cellulite for you because I am not running.”

Life has just been crazy, quite frankly. Most nights, I fall asleep by 9pm which is both pathetic and indicative of my chaotic life. I don’t even make it to the last hour of “Full House” that comes on at 10pm—that’s the real tragedy in all of this. I know that everyone is busy, but because this is my blog I get to complain about how busy I am mainly for sympathy.

Let’s take a look at what I’ve been doing the last 32901 months.


Work is work. I want to know who established 40 hours a week as “full time” because that’s just rude. I think I’m more cut out for like 10 hours a week because this job thing is really cutting into my TV watching. I mean, my TiVo is 94% full forgodsakes. But in all seriousness, I’m touching lives and brightening our future every day at work or at the very least, paying back Sallie Mae for the $763 billion dollars I borrowed to fund my education. My knee caps aren’t broken so I know my checks are still clearing.


Good news: Caroline is developing as the world’s smartest and prettiest toddler.


Bad news: Therefore, your child isn’t.

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Just kidding! Kinda. She is seriously awesome these days. She puts sentences together, can count, can swear and can even throw a mind-melting, ear-bursting temper tantrum. Even when she’s spilling the dog’s water or trying to set the house on fire, she’s still the greatest human being this planet has ever known. To most, she’s right up there Ghandi and Mother Theresa. I couldn’t agree more.

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Our Diabetic Dog, Winston

Still diabetic. That’s really about it.


Ryan, the Husband

Ryan’s busy inventing things at work and doing all sorts of technical things that I don’t understand. BUT, he’s making money to support my lifestyle of $8 nail polishes and toddler clothing shopping sprees so I suppose all is good? Seeing as how I pass out on the couch every night around 8:30/9pm, we don’t really get to see much of one another until the weekends. This is either the best marriage ever or he’s lacing my orange juice with Benadryl to make me pass out so he doesn’t have to interact with me. But I love him anyway.

Running & Working Out

Yeah, this shouldn’t even be a topic because while I’ve been gone from the blog, I’ve run two marathons, qualified for Boston, can bench press my body weight and even won a Cross Fit competition.


I haven’t done much of anything and just struggled get Caroline’s new bottle of juice open. Either I’m incredibly weak (yes) or they’re putting those damn tops on too tightly at the Wegman’s factories (yes).


I DID do a snowy 2 mile run the other day!

Either way, working out has taken a back seat lately. And by “back seat” I mean, in the way, way, WAYYY back. Like, back seat of a school bus kind of thing. Aside from being busy (excuses I know), the next topic of choice is also a factor…


Winters in Rochester are notorious for being god-awful, but this winter has been personally designed by a pissed off devil that wants to see humans suffer and babies cry. Not only have we had miserable amounts of snow, but the temperatures have all made us prisoners of our own home. It’s not like we can go outside and enjoy the snow. No. If we were to go outside, we’d immediately contract frostbite and die. It’s that cold. Negative temperatures, all the damn time. Take a look at the difference in weather this week. The picture below is from Tuesday when it was 50 degrees out!


And this is just 24 hours later…wind chill temperature of -8 AND over one foot of snow!


I can only really run outside because I’m a big baby like that so because I like using my legs and having them attached to my body, I’ve hunkered down inside for the past three months. Spring is apparently eight days away so maybe that will reinvigorate my exercise habit. Or I could just keep eating cookies.

Other Stuff

Well, aside from all of that fun stuff going on in life, we’ve also been pretty preoccupied with something…or should I say someone else.

BABY 3-10-015

Because I’m apparently only ever fertile around Jesus’ birthday, the next little bugger is due right around C’s birthday in September. We are super-duper, 100% THRILLED. Now that I do not want to puke every 10 minutes and my diet consists of more than just McDonald’s milkshakes, I’m really starting to fall in love with pregnancy again and am so excited to raise another future American leader.


So there you are, folks! I’ll be back, I swear. If you don’t hear from me in a couple of days maybe call the authorities.

Or just continue to wait for a post.

You Can’t Treat a Virus

Well it’s Monday. Normally, I’d be wrapping up first period by now, but today? I’m unshowered, in my new, ankle-length monogrammed robe(couldn’t be sexier if I tried) and brewing my first cup of coffee. This stay-at-home stuff ain’t so bad.

My post-Christmas vacation started off with me taking Caroline to the doctor’s. Obviously, my number one priority is my child’s health, but I also had to go there just to get everyone off my back. I heard “you better call the doctor’s!” at least 489 times over the past week. Who else am I supposed to call when my child’s sick? A carpenter? A circus clown? Ghostbusters?

Upon my arrival, I was happy to see the waiting room was FULL of sick children. Listen, if my angel child had to suffer through Christmas puking and coughing at least she wasn’t alone in her misery. Furthermore, based on their coughs it seemed all of these toddlers had the same exact illness so I figured if the doctor’s was ground zero for the illness to cause the zombie apocalypse at least I’d be infected quickly and wouldn’t have to find food and try and survive and crap.


I was hesitant about taking Caroline to the doctor’s because doctors only “help” with one of the two sayings: “it will get better over time, just rest up!” or “let me refer you to a specialist.”

Swallowed a spatula? Just drink lots of fluids.

Somebody stabbed you? Might have to go see a specialist for that wound.

Contracted smallpox? Nothing a little R&R won’t cure!

Naturally, this was the course of our appointment. One of the many socially awkward doctors came in to examine Caroline and quickly diagnosed her with RSV which is basically baby bronchitis. When I said, “is there anything you can do?” her response was “no, it should clear up soon. Any questions?”

Yes. Why did you go to medical school l to tell me the same thing an illiterate hobo living under a bridge could tell me?

Ever since Thursday, we have been in deep hibernation mode. I keep showering and optimistically putting on real clothes as if I’ll be able to go anywhere, but then Liney Boom wakes up and it’s immediately downhill. I actually peed with her on my lap yesterday. The alternative? Her standing next to the toilet SCREAMING “mama! Mommy!”  But thankfully, the puking has seemed to stop. The other night she woke up at 2am to throw up all over me. To give you a visual of my envious lifestyle, her puke somehow got into my underwear. Clearly, she’s a magician or maybe my underwear are just too big, I don’t know.


Yesterday I did manage to get out of the house during her second nap. I just wanted to be out so I figured I’d run to the craft store to get the materials I needed for a hair clip holder I want to make for her room. The damn project literally contains four materials: fabric, a frame, ribbon and glue. However, once in the craft store I immediately got overwhelmed by the crafty old ladies and aisles full of different yarn. 15 minutes later, I stormed out of the store mumbling so eloquently: “FORGET THIS, I’LL JUST BUY IT OFF OF ETSY.” At least I tried, right?

That disaster of a shopping spree sent me into a Pinterest and Etsy downward spiral. I stayed up until 1am “pinning” and “favorite-ing” everything I could that relates to C’s new room. Is this what people that don’t have to get up for work do all night? If so, it’s not bad, but I think I have arthritis in my index finger from scrolling on the iPad all night.

So that’s my life. Good thing I have a blog to enlighten you all about puke in my underwear and glaring laziness.

Okay, I’m off to go take care of my mini beast. Fingers crossed she is feeling a little better today! Maybe I could escape the house and get annoyed by someone long enough to give me some meaningful content on this thing ;-)


I Have a Blog? Interesting.

277  I’m certain there are awards for productive bloggers that write meaningful and insightful posts on a regular basis, but are there awards for bloggers that abandon their blog in favor of doing anything other than looking at a computer screen? If so, someone nominate me. I know I’ve been MIA, but I’ve been creepily thinking of you all (fully clothed, of course). Think of me as a distant grandparent. Sure, I never make it to watch your Christmas pageant, but you can count on me for a tasteless joke and $5 on your birthday. Well, the last part might not be true, but I got the tasteless joke part covered.
Obviously, I’ve been busy. Well, busy and lazy. But I always have the best intentions of posting when I find some free time, but then I end up watching an episode of “House Hunters” or reading a few articles about Khloe Kardashian and her crack-addicted husband in my issue of US Weekly. Clearly, my priorities are correct.
Now that the holidays are over, maybe I can re-focus some of my energy on blogging again. Every time I went to blog, I’d get distracted with online shopping for Christmas. I obviously wasn’t very successful in my online shopping attempts because 87% of the people in my life got gift cards. Some of them may have already been used because I found them in my wallet, but whatever…be grateful for your $10.47 certificate to the Olive Garden.
So how was everyone’s Christmas?! Ours was great despite a disgustingly sick child. What kind of sick-in-the-head Santa Claus brings a kid bronchitis for Christmas? She isn’t even old enough to be on the “naughty list” so clearly Santa is just an asshole that likes to see small children suffer. She’s been sick since Christmas Eve and against my better judgment, we proceeded with celebrating at our two family’s houses only for her to conclude the festivities by vomiting over most of Ryan’s family right before dinner. I know a lot of people associate holiday cheer with eggnog, presents and cookies, but this year it was all about green, crusty boogers, curdled milk baby vomit and a 22 pound toddler glued to me yelling “mommy!” Aren’t you guys jealous? You should be. Home girl is so sick that she didn’t even bother with unwrapping most of her presents. Her “big” present was a play kitchen that she played with for about 10 minutes before coughing up a black lung.
That was definitely the downside to Christmas, but the upside is that we got a call this morning from our realtor saying that our house sold! Paying two mortgages is a little too Oprah for us. I was getting worried that I’d have to sell one of my kidneys (and since my kidneys are full of stones, it probably wouldn’t even be worth much) or get pregnant and sell the baby to some Mexican drug lords just to afford both payments. Thankfully, my internal organs and uterus are safe. A nice couple bought our old house which makes me feel slightly nostalgic. When we moved, all I could think of was the dilapidated pool and the creepy bugs in the basement. Now that’s sold, all I can think of is Ryan proposing in the living room and bringing Caroline home there. But then again…bugs…in the basement. Creepy ones. With lots of legs.
Eh, I’m over it. Enjoy the house, bitches.
Work has been b-u-s-y. I did write my first referral two weeks ago which is a real accomplishment for me. I’ve avoided writing them my entire career because it involves paperwork, signatures, going to different offices, but now you can submit referrals digitally so every time a kid blinks more than the recommended times per minute, I write them up. Breathing with your mouth open? Referral.  Looked out the window while we were taking notes? Referral. Didn’t ask me how my baby was doing? Referral. Asked what Marie Antoinette’s first name was? Referral and a shameful head shake.
Just kidding (except about the Marie Antoinette question—that was real AND very sad) because I really do love teaching these days. The days go by so quickly that I can’t complain. Everyday feels like I got slapped right across the face and I leave the building with whiplash. However, don’t think that I’m not already counting down the days until summer vacation. I think once Christmas break is over, the next logical countdown is to June. We have a couple of week-long breaks in February and April, but let’s keep our eyes on the big prize, shall we?
What else is new? Our new house is awesome. We don’t have a single thing on the wall yet, but we’re 87% unpacked and it’s starting to feel more and more like our home instead of some type of vacation home we’re renting out. I think once your baby pees on the carpet before her bath and your cat pukes up Christmas garland on the stairs that it’s officially your house, right? That just screams “home sweet home” to me. My current Pinterest project is Caroline’s room. She’s kind of a big girl now so I want to redesign it to reflect her new, growing personality. I told Ryan that I want to do her room in bright pastels to which he rightfully responded that my idea doesn’t make any sense because pastels can’t be bright. I guess it doesn’t make sense, but whatever…clearly, he just doesn’t understand my vision. I bet people said the same thing about Leonardo Da Vinci’s ideas and who is laughing (and dead) now?!
Oh snaps, I forgot to discuss running. I know why I didn’t discuss this earlier…
Well actually I DO now why…I haven’t gone out for a run in…hmm…I think birds were still living in this city and I could see that green stuff that covers your lawn so yeah it’s been awhile. Are you judging me? If you are, I’ve never liked you anyway so shoo!
In all honesty, running is hard to do when you’re at work by 6:15am and it’s dark by 4:30pm. Factor in a baby, grading and catching up on episodes of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” and my days are done before I even wake up in the morning. The great thing about running is that it’s always there when I need it. I have 10 more days off so I’m hoping to squeeze in a run or two if the temperature is above freezing and the roads aren’t covered in snow (that’s a difficult combination to accomplish in Rochester in December). Running is like that one guy friend with poor self-confidence that you can go back to in between real relationships because he’s always there and available. He doesn’t ask any questions as to why you don’t call or why you disappear for months at a time, he’s just happy that he can tagalong to your office picnic.
Truth be told, I’m craving a run. Whenever I hear Pitbull, my legs just start running in place. It’s like some weird involuntary, Hispanic gene that I inherited. I assume all other small percentage Puerto Ricans experience the same thing when they hear Pitbull on the radio? You just can’t not start twerking and grinding the nearest man…or you know, running…when you hear his music.
Alright, I really ought to go. C-Rock is snoozing upstairs, but I hear the faint sound of kicking which means she’s waking up and if I’m not up there in time, she might put me in a nursing home prematurely in a few years. Gotta stay on that kid’s good side…
It’s good to be back and I WILL be back later. Terminator style, yo.

New House, Same Weekend

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we are moved into the new house! I don’t often have positive, correct life advice for people. Once I actually told a seventeen year old girl to sleep around in college and not register for 8am classes because hopefully she’d be too hung over to go. See? That’s questionable advice. HOWEVER, this advice is something you all need to write down and then send me $5 in gratitude…

Folks, if you’re ever moving…hire movers!

They arrived around 2pm and by 5pm; everything we owned was settled nicely into our new house. Most importantly, I didn’t have to lift one single box and dirty my pretty girl hands. The movers were hardcore badasses. They were a bunch of older guys who apparently have more muscle strength and patience than me because I would have straight up committed a homicide if I had to move our stuff ourselves. I will admit that it’s kind of awkward to watch big brawny men do all of your manual labor while you’re standing around in the kitchen in your pearl necklace asking your mom what cabinet your Lenox china should go.

The entire process was remarkably smooth and we are virtually settled in the new house. I say “virtually” because if you go down to our new basement then you’ll realize we have approximately 6,000 boxes whose contents will forever remain in those boxes. No need to ever unpack a box that holds my middle school retainer and tenth grade history notebook (I got a 98% on it, in case you’re wondering why I saved it).

The new house is so, so awesome. It’s bigger than our last house, but is still really cozy. We had a few rough nights with Caroline sleeping in her new room which was weird to me because who doesn’t like a newer and prettier bedroom? Thankfully, the dog and cat have adjusted nicely. Winston enjoys the new, low windows and Maggie enjoys all of the spots where she can jump out of and scare the absolute shit out of people.

Because the move went so smoothly, something had to negate it. For example, Caroline coming down with a fever-stuffy nose-sore throat-sleep reducing-puke inducing ailment for the entire week. There’s nothing better than unpacking like a mad woman in an attempt to find baby Tylenol. There’s also nothing like being so sleep deprived that your Friday morning starts out with you waking up an hour late. I may have entered my first period class like Kramer from “Seinfeld.”

Needless to say, I’m pretty happy that it’s the weekend and it seems like everyone’s healthy. I have a ton of grading to do, but you know what I bought yesterday? Wine. So um, yeah about those essays kids…

** I promise to upload some house pictures! I should probably clean before taking them though, right?

Day Off Fun Day

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but two blog posts in two days? Where’s my scratch-n-sniff sticker for being such an overachiever?

Anyway, it’s 8:45 on Sunday night and I’m blogging? Why aren’t I grading? Or lesson planning? Instead, why am I baking cookies and making hot chocolate mixed with a shit ton of generic-brand Bailey’s in it? (Who the hell can afford a $25 bottle of liquor? I’ll take the Merry’s brand for $12. Makes me tipsy just the same!)

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Because I have off tomorrow!

Very few things are better than having Monday off of work. Except for having Tuesday off too. And Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday too, I guess. But if that happens, I’m pretty sure you’re unemployed so maybe that wouldn’t be too great.

This weekend was bizarrely busy so I’m happy that I have an extra day to relax (can you ever really relax with a baby though?). On Friday we met with a moving company and immediately hired them when the owner guaranteed that I wouldn’t have to lift any of my pretty little manicured fingers. He was a really interesting dude. He randomly told Ryan a really depressing story about his cat dying on Super Bowl Sunday one year and then kept on insisting that his crew doesn’t swear or fight which makes me think that all they do is swear and fight. If so, I suppose they’ll fit right in with us. So far the moving process has made me do two things: swear and fight so I don’t know what this dude is preaching about.

Saturday we had a private viewing of our house. Unfortunately, whoever viewed it was a terrible, terrible person because they didn’t immediately pull out a bag of money and buy the house. Furthermore, we had an open house today and no bites yet either. What’s wrong with people? Don’t they know this house is a historic landmark? I lived here! On top of the periodically malfunctioning pool and various carpet spots where our diabetic dog peed, a celebrity such as myself has graced the halls of this house. People should be knocking down the door with offers, but alas…no one has respect for talented, famous local bloggers like myself.

I really want this house to sell because this life of open houses and private showings is getting old fast. Do you know that we actually have to keep our house clean in order to show it to strangers? There can never be a dirty dish in the sink because you never know if you’re going to get a phone call that someone is coming to see the house. Ryan even has to flush his pee now. See how inconvenient having a house for sale is?

We’ve been going over to the new house quite a bit to work on some things and drop a few things off and to of course show it off. Ryan’s parents came in from Buffalo on Saturday night to see the new digs and because we’re such fine, welcoming hosts we made them bring us pizza. I spent the evening eating (5.5 pieces. Once again, don’t judge me) pizza and chasing Caroline while Ryan and his father did “man stuff” pertaining to mounting the TV. I really don’t understand any of that crap. Like, what is a stud finder? What are studs? Why does there need to be so much science behind hanging up a TV? I figure you just throw some bolts in the wall, rig the TV up there and keep your fingers crossed that it doesn’t come crashing down on the head of your toddler. Apparently, it’s much more involved than that.


Alright, well I should go to bed. Tomorrow’s big “day off” plans include a trip to the grocery store to buy well, um groceries and a trip to the mall to buy nail polish. Priorities!

And of course hanging out with C-Rock.