Saturday: NINE MILES at 10:07 pace. Nine miles deserves a thoroughly decent recap, don’t you think? I mean, if I ate nine apple pies then I’d want to tell you all about my enjoyment of each of the pies—it’s only right.
On Saturday I drove to my best friend Jen’s house in order to explore her side of town on my run. The thought of running around my side of town made me want to prematurely vomit. I’ve seen the same lame barking dogs, the same old men mowing their lawns and the same crazy grandma rocking on her porch for weeks now. Plus, there’s a part of my current route that’s covered in gravel that I repeatedly trip over. You know what’s not cool? Tripping over your own damn feet while running.
My route was very simple: down one road and back. Most days I can barely get from my bathroom to the front door without going on a random detour and getting lost so it’s imperative that new routes be simple enough that a blind, mute toddler could find their way back.
Ran by a new cemetery. How charming, right?
Two miles in, I quickly realized that I needed to pee. As an elite runner (STOP LAUGHING AT THAT), bathroom emergencies are something one needs to deal with. Usually, my reaction to an overactive bladder is to tell it to “shut up” and then I do a pee dance/disjointed run all the way home. However, in order to actually finish the run, I had to drink lots of water. Around six miles, my bladder hit “emergency” status and I was either going to have to pee my adorable little running shorts or squat it out somewhere.
Well, folks. I hit a running milestone on Saturday: I peed in the woods. There was a small trail off the road so I snuck back there. It admittedly wasn’t my proudest moment because well…I was peeing in the woods, but hey! I’m at least 80% sure that no one saw except for the inevitable male creeper who kidnaps pretty runners that was probably lurking around. The nightly news tells me that there are always creepy men in the woods ready to steal me away.
I finished the run with a 10:07 pace and I’m content with that. Around mile seven, I really just wanted to be done and had a few short walking intervals, but then I put on Pitbull and I ran my behind back to Jen’s for some water and a carpet to lie on and yell, “That was such a bad idea! Why do I run?! That was such a dumb idea!” for 20 minutes.
Horses…and my fingertip. I suck at taking pictures while running.
Afterwards, my little family and I went down to the water to eat some cheeseburgers, fries and onion rings outdoors. It was a perfect day for it and quite frankly, indulging in fried goodness is one of the only reasons I choose to run.
Tuesday: Speed workout of 6×400 at an 8:30 pace with a mile warm-up and cool down. Like most speed workouts, I left the treadmill sweaty and cursing the free world. If you were to ask me how I feel about snuggly puppies while I’m finishing a run on the treadmill, my response would probably be like “I hate them! Kill them all!” because treadmills alter my psyche that much. Anyway, it’s done.
So, wow. I’ve been pretty MIA around here because my blog wasn’t working correctly (apparently those who subscribe via Gmail are getting their notifications in their spam folder) and I’ve been surprisingly busy. Shocking, but with summer coming to a close, my upcoming full-time job, running, planning a big party and taking care of the fruit of my loin (Caroline, not Ryan)—there isn’t enough time in the day. I think I understand why there’s a problem with suburban housewives taking their child’s ADD medicine. I need some type of magical cape or wand or at least an assistant to get everything done. I guess popping a few Adderall might help my problem, but then again, who has time for rehab? Aside from an unemployed Lindsey Lohan, I say “no one.”
The weather here today is a “balmy” 60 degrees and it legitimately feels like autumn. Actually, while leaving the grocery store today I wanted to stop at Dunkin Donuts and get a pumpkin coffee and then slapped myself right across the face and remembered that it’s effing August. I should be complaining about heat and humidity, not wearing knee socks and sweatshirts. Mother Nature definitely has her period this week.
I’ve been going into work here and there trying to get into the mental state of “you have a job now.” I’ve met with some teachers and they’ve been tremendously helpful in getting me to the starting line. I’m teaching a college level history class to seniors so I’m kind of a big deal. There’s nothing like snuggling up with a hot cup of coffee and a copy of “The Rise of Europe” to really, really get you amped up for life. Am I right?
C-Rock is doing well. Guys, her ONE YEAR OLD BIRTHDAY is coming up. A part of me just wants to put her in some anti-aging chamber, but I feel like that could be detrimental to her health and somewhat illegal. We’ve been busy squeezing in visits to people and enjoying our summer. Just last week, my sister’s friend (who I’ve since hijacked to become MY friend. I mean, we’re both sassy, stunning and sarcastic. Three qualities I REQUIRE of friends) came to visit from Las Vegas. Crissy is a big fan of my blog which is one of the reasons I like her so much. Because I’m basically like Princess Diana, a woman of the people, I met up with her to catch up and allow her to view the superior being that is my Caroline Grace. It was good times y’all!
Hmm…what else has been going on?
Oh, C-Money’s party. I know most people’s response to this level of party planning is “why the stress? She won’t remember it” and you’re wrong. Of course, she’ll remember it. She’s Caroline- baby genius. She remembers how to turn off light switches; she’ll definitely remember her first birthday party. We are having around 40 or so people at our quaint home in two weeks and I’m already a little nervous about this all going smoothly. For starters, any time my family and in my in-laws co-exist in the same area is always a stressful because my grandmother is usually yelling at everyone to pray or calling Ryan “Brian” or something. Secondly, for some reason I decided to be crafty and am trying to make lots of decorations myself. This is always a bad idea because I have zero talent when it comes to that. Me doing crafts is like Jessica Simpson working at NASA—it’s not right and most likely, someone’s going to die in the process.
I even bought a glue gun which I have no right to own. Forget about all of this gun legislation going on in government, where was the government stopping me from buying a hot glue gun? I’m pretty sure I’m far more dangerous than a reckless, blind hunter buying shotguns. Wish me luck. If I go another week without blogging it’s because I burnt off my fingertips and am getting reconstructive surgery.
Alright, I must go and be productive of some sort. So far today I went to the grocery store, steamed veggies for Caroline, baked a cake, threw chicken in the crock pot for dinner and worked on Tiny Liney’s party. Things I did not accomplish: showering and not eating the cake batter.
There’s always tomorrow!
I will update tonight or tomorrow with Caroline’s 11 Month update. I know you guys are at the edge of your seat waiting to see how many teeth she has and how she claps her hands now. Did I just ruin the surprise?!
What’s been going on with all of your lives lately?
Does party planning and/or crafting stress anyone else out?