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    Hola, Bonjour, Ola, Guten tag

    {As seen on my Facebook page, this site is a work-in-progress. Everything was lost because the writing was too good and The New Yorker felt threatened. I’m working on it! }

    Let’s just pretend that it hasn’t been 486 years since I last wrote because I genuinely don’t know how to properly address my blogger laziness. I have no excuses other than ensuring my kids aren’t playing with knives or becoming burdens on society. Children + work + trying to grow my nails out has taken up the majority of my time lately. But I’m back! I’m on summer break and since writing in here beats watching another episode of “Sophia the First” with Caroline—hopefully this isn’t a one-time thing.

    So before we go forward, let’s get the necessary updates out of the way, shall we?

    How are the kids? Well, Oliver learned the mass appeal and comedic factor of potty-talk in all situations and places. He was recently denied for speech therapy because they said he was “too smart” and “just needed time to find the right words.”

    He found them, all right. You know the old rule of “don’t end a sentence with a preposition?” Well, if Oliver could stop ending his sentences with “butthole” that would be great.

    Caroline ended her second year of preschool and begins kindergarten prep in the fall. She can write her own name and knows how use a loofah in the shower so I think my job with her is almost done.

    How is the husband? They just announced that they’re re-releasing the Super Nintendo console in September soooo…he’s happy and well.

    Are you still obsessed with baked goods? Great question, reporter. The answer is “yes,” but with far more thought behind eating them. In March, Ryan and I completed “Whole30” which is this crazy drastic diet that prohibits booze (OMG), sugar (WTF), pasta (MY HEART), bread (SWEET LORD) and anything in the grocery store that looks genuinely appealing. We basically survived on Larabars, avocados, sweet potatoes and uncured bacon. I ended up losing nine pounds and gaining a new appreciation of what I put into my body. Will I still eat an entire cookie cake if you leave it on my counter? Yes. Will I regret it more and then follow it up with a bowl of fresh fruit? Yes.

    Do you still run? Obviously. An Olympic athlete doesn’t just end her career because she’s “busy.”

    Actually, I hired a real coach for the summer. His full-marathon time is close to my half-marathon time so it’s basically like LeBron James training Roseanne.


    What are you going to do this summer? Well, you’re looking at it. Actually, you’re reading it. My goal, however lofty, is to blog everyday (or like every other day. Or twice a week. Or a month) of summer vacation even if it’s just a picture of my cat eating Doritos (she loves them!) or a story about how I found a ziplock bag of almonds on the side of the road (true story. Almonds are expensive—who is so rich to just lose them?)

    Get ready, folks! Summer blogging 2017 has commenced!